Amy’s Story: HELLP Syndrome, Birth Trauma and Finding Hope Again
When I was pregnant with my first baby, I had no idea what HELLP syndrome was. I’d heard of pre-eclampsia, but only in the way most pregnant women do – as something rare that happens to other people.
Looking back now, there were signs that something wasn’t right. The difficult thing is that many of them could also be explained away as normal pregnancy symptoms.
Throughout my pregnancy, I experienced things like severe shoulder pain, pain under my ribs, worsening eyesight and extreme tiredness. My vision deteriorated to the point where I struggled to recognise faces across the road. I mentioned it to my midwife and was advised to get my eyes tested. I also had nosebleeds every day during the final weeks of pregnancy. At the time, none of these things seemed alarming enough on their own.
I had also done hypnobirthing classes, which encouraged me to trust my body and believe it knew what it was doing. Looking back, I think that gave me a false sense of security. Whenever I felt unwell, I told myself that my body was preparing for birth. I thought all these changes must be normal because I was about to have a baby.
Now I realise that sometimes your body is trying to tell you that something is wrong.
I reached my due date, which happened to be 7 February. I was trying to rest but also trying to follow all the advice about staying active. By the afternoon I started feeling unwell, and by later that day I realised labour had begun. Everything happened incredibly quickly.
Within just a few hours I went from being at home with my dog to arriving at hospital in active labour. I remember sitting outside triage because there wasn’t a bed available. When I was finally examined, I was already 9 centimetres dilated.
I had planned for a much longer labour. Instead, my daughter Penny was born just before 8pm after a rapid delivery.
Shortly after Penny was born, things became frightening. She arrived with her hand pressed against her face, which caused two second-degree tears during the birth. As doctors worked to deliver the placenta, a section remained retained, and I began to haemorrhage. Because HELLP syndrome had caused my platelet count to drop dangerously low, my body’s ability to stop the bleeding was compromised. In total, I lost nearly two litres of blood and was rushed into surgery while my husband was left alone with our newborn daughter.
I remember lying in theatre surrounded by nine medical staff, trying to distract myself by talking constantly to the anaesthetist. At that point, I still had no idea how seriously ill I was.
After surgery I returned to the delivery room, exhausted and confused. Blood tests were being taken every few hours and staff were constantly checking on me, but nobody really explained what was happening apart from that they were checking my platelets. At the lowest they dropped to 14 (normal is 150>450).
I spent several days in hospital. Because it was during the COVID period, visitors were heavily restricted – only my husband could come and go. Physically, I was in agony. Emotionally, I wasn’t really present.
One of the hardest things was that I felt I had missed the beginning of my daughter’s life. I’d heard so much about the “golden hour” after birth and the instant bond mothers are supposed to feel. I missed the first calls introducing our daughter to our parents. Instead, I was in surgery while my baby was with my husband. I could hear her crying.
I felt guilty.
I struggled to bond with Penny during those first few days, and that was something nobody had prepared me for. The reality was that I was extremely unwell. I was exhausted, traumatised and trying to recover from major blood loss and more that we didn’t understand.
Eventually, my eyes filled with tears. I looked at Penny and said to her, “We did it!”
That was the beginning of our bond.
Throughout my hospital stay, I still didn’t fully understand what had happened. I underwent scans on my liver and endless blood tests. Every day my family expected us to come home, and every day I had to tell them it wasn’t happening.
We finally left hospital on day seven.
Even then, I didn’t have a clear understanding of my diagnosis.
It wasn’t until months later, after receiving a letter inviting us to a debrief appointment, that I learned I had developed HELLP syndrome – a rare and severe complication of pre-eclampsia.
Reading my hospital notes was difficult. For the first time, I saw in black and white how ill I had actually been.
My husband struggled too. He had witnessed a lot, including the extent of the blood loss and seeing me very poorly. Looking back, I think we both experienced trauma, but in different ways.
For a long time afterwards, I carried guilt.
I wondered whether I should have recognised the symptoms sooner. I questioned whether I should have gone to hospital earlier. I replayed the final weeks of pregnancy over and over in my head. But the truth is that many of the symptoms were things I’d been told could be normal.
Despite everything, I always knew I wanted another baby. The problem was that I was terrified.
When I became pregnant again, I cried through appointments because I was so scared. I was immediately placed under consultant-led care and received far more monitoring. I took aspirin, had additional scans, regular blood pressure checks and access to a specialist mental health midwife for birth trauma.
I bought my own blood pressure monitor and checked myself at home whenever I felt anxious. Eventually, after many discussions, I chose to have an elective caesarean section.
Some people questioned that decision, but for me, it was absolutely the right choice.
When my son Teddy was born, I cried the moment I saw him. It wasn’t because I was emotional about the birth itself.
It was relief. Relief that he was alive. Relief that I was okay. Relief that we had made it through.
The experience was completely different from my first birth. It didn’t erase what had happened with Penny, but it helped me heal. For the first time, I felt like I could create a different ending to my story.
Today, I still carry some of the memories and fears from my experience. But I also carry something else: perspective.
If there is one message I want other pregnant women to hear, it is this:
Please trust your instincts and get checked if something doesn’t feel right.
Don’t worry about being a burden. Don’t worry about wasting anybody’s time.
The symptoms of pre-eclampsia and HELLP syndrome don’t always look exactly like the textbook descriptions. Sometimes they are subtle. Sometimes they overlap with normal pregnancy symptoms.
If you’re worried, ask the question. Go to triage. Make the phone call.
It is always better to be checked and reassured than to stay at home worrying.
And for anyone who has experienced HELLP syndrome or pre-eclampsia and is terrified about another pregnancy, I want them to know there can still be hope.
I was terrified.
But with the right support, monitoring and care, I went on to have another baby.
That second experience didn’t take away what happened the first time, but it helped me find healing, confidence and peace.
